One moment of Happiness

Sometimes when I wake up, for a few seconds, I don't remember anything. I don't remember who I am, where I am and anything else. I just enjoy the moment of peace and happiness. It's almost the heaven. But then, my memory comes back and all the suffer and all the information gets into my head and I lost my happiness. The rest of the day, I can't find that good vibe again. I spend all my day crossing the hell and waiting that moment of true happiness, but it doesn't worth. I can't recover that emotion, that feeling... Sometimes I just want to know the feeling of death. Maybe the extreme peace that I have experienced for a few seconds is the peace of death. I want that peace. I need that peace, but I am too weak to cross the lifeline. I can't do anything but walk through the fire of my own hell.